Not THAT Girl

This post is truly going to just be kind of a mess of rambling, I think. I've lately heard myself saying, more and more often, "I'm not THAT girl!". I know, to some people, it's nice to fit into a category. A mold. A stereotype. But I'm not THAT girl. I don't want to just blend in. I don't want to be lost among the crowd. But I also am not that outgoing, extrovert that can steal the show. (unless alcohol is involved...but that's a whole other ballgame...) See, I've wondered for over 2 years now, what happened to ME. I USED to be thinner. I USED to be happier. I USED to be {something else that I'm not now}. I craved the old me. I felt lost in this new body/personality/life. I wanted different things. I needed different things. I didn't know WHY. I just want to know WHY! Well, I've learned, that I am, indeed, a different person now. I've grown. I've matured. I've evolved. I've loved. I've lost. I've changed. I've become a new, different me. And I've decided, just now, that I'm okay with that!
If you would have asked me 10 years ago where I'd be today, I'd have said just married, maybe a kid on the way, with a great career and a terrific husband. Something to that effect. I promise, though, I would not have said "Divorced, single mom of two, single, living in an apartment and making less than a comfortable income." What child/teen dreams of this?! But see, life throws us curveballs. Constantly. I doubt anyone has the life they always dreamed about. The life they KNEW they would have. Things Change. Circumstances Change. People Change. The things I used to think were important, are no longer a priority. The things I used to KNOW I wanted, now seem silly. The qualities my husband/significant other HAD to have, are insignificant in the grand scheme of things.
I am content with having little. Because, in reality, I have SO MUCH! We live in a small apartment, but it's FULL of LOVE. We have a hand-me-down kitchen table, but it's scarred with memories. We don't wear big labels, but we have plenty of clothes. We may not have it all, but we appreciate what we have. I may not provide a lavish lifestyle for myself or my kids, but we have everything we need, most of what we want, and our love and laughter overflows. It's not the big house, the white picket fence, the chocolate lab, the big family, the gorgeous spouse that brings happiness. In fact, I was more lonely as a married momma than I am now! It's not the material shit. It's not the fancy junk. It's not the size of the mortgage. It's what's inside. Inside the person, to be more specific. A house can be spilling over with the most incredible THINGS, but if the people are empty inside, the house will feel empty as well. Just like a person can be hot/sexy/beautiful/gorgeous/whatever, but they may feel totally worthless inside.
I don't have to be thin, I'm not THAT girl.
I don't have to have lots of money, I'm not THAT girl.
I don't need a big house. I'm not THAT girl.
I don't need an expensive car. I'm not THAT girl.
I don't want a huge family. I'm not THAT girl.
I don't wear expensive clothes. I'm not THAT girl.
I don't need a man. I'm not THAT girl.
I don't bite my tongue if you piss me off. I'm not THAT girl.
I won't let someone walk all over me. I'm not THAT girl.
I won't be told how to live my life. I'm not THAT girl.
I don't want to be someone else, have what they have, do what they do. I'm not THAT girl.
I don't have everything, I'm not THAT girl.
I DO have it all. I am THAT girl.
I'm not THAT girl. I'm THIS girl. And that is fine by me!